Valuable techniques

By Marc Felix and Kathrin Seitz | Aug 04, 2010

What do you think is the most valuable technique for finding a relationship?

Marc's answer

That's a tough question because there are so many aspects to finding a relationship. But if I had to single out (no pun intended) one technique, it would be creating a vision.

Think about athletic coaches and how they always tell their athletes to visualize what they want to happen. Great athletes will form a clear vision of just how they want their event to go; in fact, they do this before they even start.

In my counseling practice over the years, I've learned that if a person doesn't make a vision of something, he or she most likely won't create it in life. Of course, we're all making visions all the time. The issue is that most people are not conscious of what they're visualizing. Worse yet, many people's visualizations are based on their fears, doubts and negative beliefs. What kind of vision are you forming if you're saying something like "its so hard to meet someone in Midcoast Maine"?

Visualization always happens before physical events. First I visualize writing this article, and then I sit and write it. First I visualize calling a friend, and then I make the call. After the vision, there is a step-by-step process to get the result. Though these examples are obvious, the process is similar for more complicated things, such as finding a fulfilling relationship.

Here are some practical tips on the process of creating a vision.

Relaxation: Relaxation is essential for effective visualization. Our brain wave patterns change with relaxation, as does the field of energy around us. Research has shown that the alpha waves the brain produces during relaxation are more conducive to changing our reality than the beta waves of our constant thinking. Relaxation also expands the energy field around the body.

Clarity: Just like the waitress in a restaurant needs to know what you want, the universe needs to know what you want. So get clear. Do you want a partner who's a best friend? Do you want a partner to be your lover? Do you want a co-parent to start a family with? Do you want someone to share emotional closeness? Do you want someone to grow with spiritually? What do you want?

Emotional feeling: Creating a vision is not a dry intellectual process. A vision has power when it's filled with emotional energy. How would you feel if you were with your ideal partner? Put that feeling into your vision.

The present moment: Make your visualization in present time. Don't put it into the future. Visualize what you want as happening right now.

Allow the universe to do its part: Once you've created your vision, let go and be confident that the universe will do its part in actualizing your vision.

Of course, there are many more steps to the art of manifesting. Creating a good vision using these guidelines is a great start. Stay tuned for more.

Kathrin's answer

Wise words, Marc, and thank you for reminding me of the power of visualization, negative or positive. Needless to say, I agree with Marc's emphasis on visualization. But I'd like to break down that process a bit.

I have either been a part of or run groups where women talk about and visualize their perfect partner. And what I have noticed is a tendency to be superficial and to generalize. For example, someone might say, I want a partner who is handsome and rich and owns a brownstone in the Village (that would be, of course, a group in New York City). There are, undoubtedly, several people who fit this description, but what are their human qualities, I would ask. Talking about things, surface traits like looks and so forth, is talking about form. I think it's important to talk about content. That is, what are the qualities that you want in a partner? Let's be specific.

For example, having done this process many times, I can tell you that one of the qualities I value most in a partner is a sense of well-being, a sense that he feels good about himself and his life. The French have an expression for this. They say that someone is "bien dans sa peau" when he (or she) exhibits this kind of confidence and ease. What I figure is someone with this quality is much more likely to enjoy life and to be able to roll with the punches.

So, again after going deep on the visualization technique (and knowing that one must be careful with putting pictures into the universe), I realized -- forget the looks or the brownstone -- I love guys who make me laugh. So right up there with being comfortable with yourself, I value the ability to laugh at and with life. It's a sense of irony that comes from having lived years on the planet earth.

A couple of days ago, I ran into a friend who is on the hunt for a guy. I asked her what she was looking for in a guy. And she said, "Gotta be successful. Gotta make a lot of money. Gotta. Gotta. Gotta." And so forth. "OK," I said. "That's all well and good. But what about the human qualities?" She looked at me puzzled and I began to talk about what I value: A guy who feels good about himself; a guy with a sense of humor and irony. She smiled with recognition and said, "OK, yeah, that's what I want. A sense of humor. Feels good about himself." I asked her to throw out the old list and begin to go deeper.

When I thought about it, I realized I was asking my friend to go deeper and to discover or make conscious her core values. What I have learned is until we know what we believe in our heart of hearts, or in our guts, as others might say, we will not be able to visualize that which our heart desires. Our values are deep and strong and true. And when we access them, we can begin to visualize what it is we want in a partner.



Comments (1)
Posted by: Bruce Edwards | Aug 04, 2010 12:06

Kathrin & Mark   enjoyed this column  humor and I also mean the ability to see and hear ourselves as a form of entertainment and the give and take, non destructive, in a humorous exchange I love the quip!! trust in a relationship, to me, is crucial. and I don't mean the all encompassing the one with a capital T,: I mean all those day to day lower case t's that we some how the relationship has nurtured. As a tennis player I am fully aware of visualization, my problem is the sun sometime gets in my eyes, and form the sun takes is a negative voice  that begins to dig a hole that you will fall  in if you can't fine the shade. Bruce

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