TP: The extra roll

By Peter Lammert | Jul 24, 2012

I’ve never seen this next comment in print but after encountering this situation three times in one week, I’m wondering if it is a genetic defect in some people. The situation I’m writing about is — or in some cases it becomes plural — the empty toilet paper rolls and sometimes even an empty paper towel roll.

Mind you, within inches of said empty roll is always “the next roll,” which has been divested of its wrapper if it was bought as a single roll, but almost always “started,” which is in some cases a feat in itself as the last sheet on the new roll can be glued on tighter than the clear plastic band around the tops of any jar in the supermarket.

Now why in the name of some deity cannot the unwrapperer and/or starter of said fresh roll just open the metal arms that hold the core holder and after dropping the empty cardboard roll into the waste basket, slide the new roll onto the core and then get the arms into the holes in the core and, voilà, there you go, good for another 200 or 400 or heaven forbid if someone bought the super-sized 1,000-sheet roll.

I have asked this question about why the new roll wasn’t mounted in the dispenser to anyone within earshot upon emerging from said facility and the only possible answer I received was a joker who stated matter-of-factly that the last person using said paper probably didn’t want to offend anyone by mounting the roll the “wrong way.”

OK so here we go! We get to the age-old question of does the paper roll down off the front of the roll or does the end hide sneakily behind the roll waiting for the next contestant to spin the roll and see just what comes loose!

I prefer it to cascade down the front. If it has been loaded for a front roll, and if I hit the front of the roll just right, the dispenser will deliver the single-use length, which is easily torn off. But this is not the case with a rear-dispensing roll. One must hit the roll on the up stroke to get the roll to unwind and then scrape the fingers along the wall to which the dispenser is fastened to grasp the hopefully dangling length of paper and then with a rather sharp side-twisting of the wrist, separate what you need from the rest of the roll. If separation doesn’t occur, it becomes a “Houston, we have a problem” moment where you can have a whole lot of narrow tissue off the roll but not separated for use.

I have noticed over time that the paper towel roll in the kitchen is seldom without at least some paper left on the roll and the new roll is always in sight. I’m guessing that the haus frau keeps a sharp eye on this dispenser and when the time comes, completes the swap out in record time. This gets me to thinking that the empty roll situation in the bathroom is more of a male created situation and that there is suddenly some cranial malfunction that does not allow the user to “seat” the new roll in the dispenser.

It’s not rocket science, guys, it’s physics! Can’t you pry apart the arms and install the new roll?

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Comments (3)
Posted by: Joanne Lee Richards | Jul 28, 2012 21:27

You nailed it Pete!  Its a man thing!


Posted by: Marcia Peters | Jul 28, 2012 09:31

"ain't" life a bitch


Posted by: Francis Mazzeo, Jr. | Jul 26, 2012 18:28

I think it's called "indifference".

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