The Nature of Relationship: Attraction

By Marc Felix and Kathryn Seitz | Nov 28, 2010

Marc’s answer

What makes a woman attractive to a man?

My personal opinion is that there’s nothing more attractive on the planet than a woman. Each woman is a work of art. For me it’s a combination of the grace and flow of the way she moves, the curves of her body, her openness and responsiveness on every level, and the spontaneity of her expression. But most of all it’s the sheer luminosity of women. The radiance of a woman’s smile can wash through me like a wave of bliss. Many women literally shine. Perhaps that’s where the expression “she lights up the room” comes from.

Of course this is a mystery that can’t be captured in words. There is a way, indeed a thousand ways, that a woman transmits the love of her heart into the world. I believe her love is the essence of who she is. I believe love is what makes a woman shine.

I find warmth and responsiveness attractive. There’s no question that if I were single and had the choice between a perfectly proportioned supermodel whose energy was cold and closed or an average woman who was warm and open, I would choose warm and open without thinking twice.

I especially appreciate a woman who is in touch with her own divinity. She realizes that she’s a goddess. Divine energy sparkles through her every look and glides through every gesture she makes. She’s an inspiration whose movements are the dance of life.

I’m certain that different men find different qualities attractive. Evolution itself makes demands on us. There’s the genetic necessity of DNA being passed on to make another generation. Anthropologists tell us that healthy, fertile young women who can make babies are the most attractive women on this biological level. But I hope that men can transcend this hard wiring. It’s true that a young woman may have a surface of glowing skin, but an older woman often has the kind of shine that only comes from a profound depth of love from a heart that has experienced more of life’s miracles.

The media has constantly blasted us with images that tell us what a beautiful woman looks like. I surely hope we can transcend that! The average American woman is about five feet, four inches tall and weighs approximately 140 pounds. The average model is five-foot, 11-inches tall and weighs approximately115 pounds. How crazy is that? Enough said.

What makes a woman attractive? When the love deep in her heart is being expressed as a moment by moment gift through her whole body. When she transmits the sacredness of life through her voice, eyes, and breath. And when the radiance of her feminine light shines out as a blessing that irresistibly invites us to shout “Yes” to the exquisite and indescribable song of life.


Kathrin's answer


What makes a man attractive to a woman?

I love Marc’s article. It’s a poem to the glory of women to be enjoyed and remembered.

And, while I adore men, having grown up close to my father and brother, raised a son on my own, and worked in several large entertainment companies at a time when few women were employed there, in no way can I write the same kind of adoring piece about men.

Rather, I would like to consider, and to ask my women friends to consider, what do we find attractive in a man?  I put a list together, maybe a decade ago. It still holds true.

I like a man who is confident and at ease in the world. Comfortable in his skin. A man who clearly likes himself and can laugh at himself. If I were thinking movie actor, I’d think George Clooney. He’s grown-up but at ease, and smiles a lot.

I like a man who has a great sense of humor.  Make me laugh and you have won me over.  Even better if you can make a joke about yourself.  And add an ironic twist at the end of your delivery.  Give me poetry, make me cry, and then turn the phrase so I’m laughing at myself for being sentimental.  Jon Stewart?  You bet.

Of course we all like men who are comfortable in their bodies. I’m not looking for a famous athlete, but a man who likes to move, whether it’s walk, run, dance, ride horses, sail, garden or climb a fire escape just for the fun of it. Someone who enjoys being outside and can move freely on the earth.

Successful? Yes, but in his own terms. I’m not looking for “worldly” success, but for someone who is passionate about his work. You could love cars and spend your life rebuilding old cars, work in Africa with orphans, design new applications, write poetry, paint. Just love it.

And speaking of passion, let's not forget compassion. No straw man for me; rather, a man who a big and beating heart. Someone who believes in making the world a better place to live in, someone who'll walk a blind man across the street or toss the baseball back to a kid who has thrown it under a car, or ring the Salvation Army Bell at Christmas.

Spiritual?  An overused term and probably not appropriate. More like a man who has a sense of the mystery of life. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, 
than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” as Hamlet says. The more we know about our universe, black holes, and unknown countless galaxies, the more wondrous it all becomes. I want a man who looks up at the stars, watches one fall, and sighing, grabs me around the waist, twirls me around and says, “Can you believe this extraordinary universe that it is our privilege to share for a moment in time?”  That’s a man I’d spend my life with!

Comments (1)
Posted by: Richard McKusic, Sr. | Nov 30, 2010 13:45

Great article. Too bad it is on Soupselect where everyone can't see it, but it really is selcect. :)

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