It must be haunted

By David Grima | Sep 21, 2017

I am sure we all sympathize with the poor lady who refuses to remove her illegally oversized “See How Much I Really Love Lord Trumpleton” signs from her fence on Seavey Lane.

She claims she is willing to go to jail for it, if needs be. People are just dying to be martyrs these days.

In fact, I have personally interceded with the Lord Prez himself on her behalf, and he has generously offered to pay her fines and to visit her in jail if she continues to refuse.

City Hall says the signs violate regulations because they are so very big, but Lord Trumpleton is most evenhanded when he says (and I quote him) “There are good and bad guys on both sides of this issue.”

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I hear that a grain tower in Cape Town, South Africa, has been turned into a museum. The horror!

What is to become of the bats and rats, pigeons and weasels, mice and stupid seagulls that used to live there? No doubt it was done deliberately to rattle me, and cause me to fear for the future of the concrete towers at the foot of Mechanic Street, where I am forced to live.

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Speaking of cruise ships, which we weren’t, but are now, let me lay to rest the last gasping ghost of the traditional old Lime City complaint, namely that whenever a cruise ship docks in Rockland, all its passengers promptly get on buses and drive up to Camden to spend all their money there.

Here is a statement on this very subject from Tom Peaco, the very nice gentleman who runs our local chamber of commerce, concerning the cruise ship that visited Rockland last week:

“We counted 1,891 passengers and crew coming ashore from the Vision (not including approximately 75 from the Independence, which was at the dock yesterday also) and 471 of those passengers boarded a bus for a shore excursion arranged by the ship, so that leaves over 1,400 people who spent their time in Rockland.

“A reminder that shore excursions are not full day trips, so all those folks come back to Rockland after their excursion -- some choose to further explore Rockland, while others return to the ship.

“Finally, we experimented with a downtown Rockland shuttle that was free to passengers, thanks to shared sponsorship from Fiore, the Grasshopper Shop, First National Bank, Rockland Main Street and the chamber.

“Schooner Bay reports that ‘well over 200’ passengers took advantage of that shuttle that dropped passengers just past Fiore so they could explore all of the downtown area easier.”

A former chamber director added that there are similar stats for previous cruise-ship visits here.

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After hearing a hawk calling all day Saturday, I finally saw it in the air over the South End. To my great surprise, it was being carried through the sky by a fish, and the hawk was sort of balanced on its legs on the fish’s back. What a strange and terrible fate!

This is the second time I have seen this peculiar phenomenon over Rockland.

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I hear that U.S. Rep. Chellie Pingree, D-Maine, is expected in town on Monday, Sept. 25, to talk to a conference of female entrepreneurs at the Strand. I think she got her own start in business with a knitting company over on North Haven.

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Those traffic lights outside Shop ‘n Save that were brought down by a yellow truck last week, well, they hadn’t worked properly in some time, anyway.

But don’t worry. When they put them back up, they made sure the lights still don’t work properly. For that matter, there are other traffic lights in town that don’t work properly, either. Too many bulbs missing, I’d say.

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And those bizarre new markings on the roadway downtown that resemble bicycles with corporal's stripes – I see they are already starting to be worn away. They must have painted them on using White Out instead of paint…

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An antiques store is opening in the old E.L. Spear building, while a clothing store called Daughters is expected to open in the former Motifs/former Caravans store downtown on Main.

Speaking of which, it’s kind of sad that five restaurants have now failed at what we still think of as the Denny’s location on Route 1, just over the line in Rockport.

It must be haunted.

Likewise, the once-upon-a-time Amato’s location on Park Street has seen at least four businesses go under in recent years.

It must be haunted, too.

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The former 3Crow building (the former Barry Faber building) on Main is expected to open in October with a bar upstairs, and a casual dining Italian restaurant downstairs.

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Speaking of the Four Seagulls of the Apocalypse, if you visit the chamber’s visitor center on Park Drive (the former Courier building) you will see tiny models of their rotten ancestors in the beautiful diorama of a ship being launched at the Cobb Butler yard in the South End a century ago.

I adore scale models, and could stare at it for hours.

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Speaking of the Four Seagulls of the Apocalypse (see above), I was able to get my TV working Sunday night, despite the current labor shortage, which makes it hard to find enough wharf rats to power the hamster-wheel generator that produces my electricity.

After the fourth rat expired in harness and was tossed over the side, I shackled two of my wretched gulls (Luke and Matthew Gull, I think, but who can tell?) to the wheel and prodded them with a stick often enough to keep the TV on, so I could watch the first episode of the new Ken Burns documentary on the Vietnam War.

I have some opinions about the film, but will watch a few more episodes before sharing them with the universe in these pages.

What a great relief for all mankind, huh?

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