Diamond to Insecure

By Diamond | Apr 28, 2016

Dear Diamond,

I’m finishing up my first year at a private college. For spring break, most of my friends went to the Bahamas together, which their parents paid for. I lied and said I wasn’t up for going, but truth be told, I couldn’t afford to go. My parents and I are paying for my college and there is no way I could even think of asking to go on an expensive vacation. I have to watch every cent. For the first time I realize that I’m in a different class than these people. I have visited some of their houses and I’ve never been in places like them. They live in homes with pools and maids. I would never have them come visit me. We live in a tiny little house where I share a room with my sister.

I really like most of these college friends, but I see how different I am from them. I am out of place and I come from another class. I even think about transferring from this college because of it. I just don’t have the money to keep up with them. They go out to eat and go to bars. They buy nice clothes. I’ve met some of their parents and they’re nice, but I can’t relate to them and I feel very awkward with no confidence.

My parents are proud that I go to this college, but this is an added stress for me. I want to go to one where I fit in more. I would have a little time to transfer if I start now. But I wonder if I should buck up and stay with this for some kind of life lesson. That’s what my parents say. What would you do?

-Insecure

Dear Insecure,

One of the things that concerns Diamond is the feelings of shame that you have because you are not flush. You are no less when you have less. As long as you try to hide your reality, you will continue to question who you are and what your values are. So remember that you have to play the cards that you are dealt.

There is nothing wrong with humility and fessing up that you can’t afford to keep up with your college mates.

Money issues push so many primitive buttons that you don’t even know are there. Buttons of insecurity, less-worthiness, even jealousy. But don’t assume that just because someone has money that they have all the answers or that they are extremely happy. It’s not necessarily true. You have placed these people in another class and perhaps forming prejudices, so please don’t go to that ‘classism’ place. We hear all this talk about sexism, racism, homophobia, but there really is a classism-- it’s a prejudice against or in favor of those in particular social classes. Perhaps it’s time to take a look at that in yourself to see if you are doing that.

You are in a position to learn real life lessons of responsibility and maturity. Did you know that most of your pride is going to come from the things that you have earned, not the things that you have been given? Paying for college along with your parents will give more meaning to the value of it. I bet that when you are confronted with the real bills in life, you will quickly learn to be responsible for your own actions and academics. There is real merit in having some skin in the game and paying for it yourself.

Sometimes jealousy is the best way to see what you really want. Instead of begrudging what it is that they have, is it possible that these feelings could help you get in touch with the things that you’d want for yourself?

There is great honor in the way you are getting through college. Hold yourself in dignity and pride because hard work, determination, courage, and honesty are qualities that will get you far in life.

With grace and peace,

Diamond

 

Dear Readers,

Men and women, guys and girls, have written to Dear Diamond because they want to meet someone. Each week Diamond will post one event that’s appropriate for single folks.

Just get out there and mingle, folks. You just never know who will be there.

Country Line Dancing at Swing & Sway

143 Maverick St., Rockland.

Fridays, 6-7 p.m.

No partner or experience needed.

Registration: 594-0940

Advice appearing in Dear Diamond is for entertainment only and does not reflect the views of Courier Publications or its editorial boards. This column is not intended to replace the services of medical, financial or legal professionals.

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Snail mail: 91 Camden St., Suite 403, Rockland, ME 04841

Email: deardiamond@courierpublicationsllc.com

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