Dear Diamond to Exhausted After College

By Diamond | May 26, 2016

Dear Diamond,

I have just gotten home from my first year of college and I absolutely hated it. I went away for it and I missed my family and I missed Rockland. I passed all of the courses, but the thought of going through three more years of that makes me feel sick. My parents are helping to pay for some of it, but I’ll have loans to pay back for a long time. I’m exhausted at the thought of that, too.

School has always been hard for me. I know that I need to do something and that I can’t just live at home for the rest of my life, but right now I really do want to stay at home and live with my parents. I just do. At least for now. I know that I’m supposed to just power on and go back, but I just can’t. I want to get a mindless job at McDonalds and sleep and watch Netflix when I’m home. For a very long time.

I’m afraid that I’ll be disappointing my parents when I tell them this because they tell everyone that I’m in college and the I’m going to be a ‘such and such.’ They don’t seem to understand how tired I am and that I really don’t want to go back. More like, I cannot go back and I won’t go back. I never want to go back. I’m so sick of school and the pressure and stress of everything there. It wasn’t just the school work. It was the social stuff, too, and I was lonely all of the time. I feel crumby about myself and I’ll feel like a failure when I tell my parents I’m not going back.

Even though I don’t want anyone to TELL me what to do, at the same time I WANT someone to tell me what to do. Is that weird? What can you tell me? What would you do in my position?

-Exhausted After College

 

Dear Exhausted After College,

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway”. -John Wayne

The sooner you talk to your parents about all of this, the more weight will be lifted off your shoulders. Get it out in the open. Mention that President Obama’s oldest daughter is about to embark on a gap year before college, although we don’t yet know what she will be doing. Sometimes it’s OK to re-group by going to a safe place. Every person has her/his own timetable and right now it sounds like you need to pause and re-charge to figure out what you want to do.

Two things could happen when you go home:

1. You’ll get so comfortable when you move into your parents basement or back into your childhood bedroom that you’ll find yourself even more stuck than you were before. What if you were there for the next 40 years? That part-time job at McDonalds could pack pounds on you that will make you feel even worse about yourself.

OR

2. You will become so ill at ease with where you are and what you are doing (and NOT doing) at home, that you’ll know it’s time to move on. And you will do just that. Always listen to that inner voice.

It is perfectly OK not to go to college, although the fact that you passed all of your courses says that you are certainly capable of doing the work even though you found it hard. But now may be a time to explore your interests, become independent, and learn more responsibility. However, that is not likely to happen if you are living in your parents house.

Please wade through the following two sites. There are many more, but these two have a wide variety of volunteer opportunities that will give you room and board and a wonderful experience.

AMERICORPS:

http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps

WORLDWIDE OPPORTUNITIES ON ORGANIC FARMS:

http://www.wwoof.net/welcome-to-wwoof/

Oprah Winfrey says that there are no wrong moves and that our lives are bigger than any one experience. She wisely tells us that the losses and failures that we face are there to wake us up and point us in another direction. When we are not at ease with where we are at, THAT is our cue to take another road. She puts it this way,

“Ask yourself, ’What is the next right move?’ Then from that place make the NEXT right move. And then the NEXT right move.”

She says,

“Don’t be overwhelmed by a failure. Your life is bigger than that one moment.”

Just so that life doesn’t pass you by, get a plan in order so that you are ready to move forward when the time comes. Choose to do something for the pure love of doing it, something that you are curious about. You don’t have to choose one road on which to travel for the rest of your life, but you do need to choose ONE road just for now— OR you may wallow in this exhaustion for longer than is necessary. You may be afraid and anxious while planning for a big change, but do it anyway.

Live the life you want to live by choice, not by inaction.

With grace and peace,

 

Diamond

 

Dear Readers,

Singles have written to Dear Diamond because they want to meet someone. Each week Diamond will post one event that’s appropriate for single folks. Get out there and mingle. You never know who will be there.

Station Maine Community Rowing, Saturdays, 10 a.m., Rockland Harbor. Adults can sign up and get assigned to a crew on a 32-foot Cornish pilot gig. FMI: 594-1478, athearn2@midcoast.com.

 

Advice appearing in Dear Diamond is for entertainment only and does not reflect the views of Courier Publications or its editorial boards. This column is not intended to replace the services of medical, financial or legal professionals.

Contact Dear Diamond:

Ask Dear Diamond your question. Diamond responds to all who write in. Participation in Dear Diamond is always anonymous and free.

Snail mail: 91 Camden St., Suite 403, Rockland, ME 04841

Email: deardiamond@courierpublicationsllc.com

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