A bride left at the altar

By David Grima | Jan 08, 2021

Several times this New Year, the TV weather folk have been telling us it has been really cold in Fryeburg, a town situated west of here on the New Hampshire border.

Perhaps it is time to change its name to Freezeburg?

* * * * *

I am taking the liberty of making a New Year’s resolution on behalf of just about everybody in the media and in business.

All last year, these people were talking about how everyone has been forced to pivot. Pivot, pivot, pivot, they have been saying, to the point of just making me weary of hearing an overworked and inaccurate word time and time again. Ad nauseum, I suppose.

A business has to change the way it serves its customers? They say it has pivoted. Rockland allows tables and chairs on Main Street? They say we had to pivot. Companies have sent their people to work at home? They tell us they have all had to pivot.

We get the point, you know. The trouble is, pivoting is the wrong word for it, and the more we hear it said, the sillier I think it sounds.

Pivot means facing in another direction, but not necessarily moving much in any particular direction. Pivoting means leaving at least something in exactly the same place, like the parts of the hands of a clock that never leave the middle of the clock face while the tips go all around.

When Col. Joshua Chamberlain ordered the 20th Maine to shuffle about a bit at Little Round Top to defend themselves against the men from Alabama at Gettysburg, they really pivoted, which means many of the men scarcely moved at all, while those at the far left of the Maine line moved to the rear through 90 degrees.

Pivot, pivot, pivot.

The fact is, what we have all had to do in some degree or other this past year is to adapt to our unhappily changed circumstances. Adapt, adapt, adapt. Not pivot, pivot, pivot.

There. Now I have made a sensible resolution for everyone, let’s see who is the first to break it.

* * * * *

Perhaps it is already time for me to take one of my special pills? So early in the year, too. I \hoped to make it as far as Easter before needing help. Sigh…

* * * * *

No sooner had our poor dear Burger King restaurant closed last week, than a sign appeared in the window announcing they are hiring for all positions.

According to a TV station not located near here, what really happened with this business closure is that the Burger King corporation declined to renew the franchise held by the Bangor company that owned it for Rockland, Ellsworth, and a few other places. I suspect there is another franchise owner in the works, which might explain why they are looking to hire?

I am no longer paid enough to look into these highly vexatious questions that face the Beloved Lime City and its people, from time to time. But perhaps somebody else will indeed look into this, and prove me right or wrong.

I do hope the jobs come back.

* * * * *

There is a supermarket in Rockland where there is a wooden stool situated behind one of the checkouts. But beware, any employee who considers sitting upon it without the proper paperwork filed beforehand with the front-end manager.

A note has been taped to the stool, warning sternly that nobody must sit on it unless they have a note from a doctor.

Maybe the worry is that employees sitting on the stool illegally might thoughtlessly start to pivot upon it, thus causing untold havoc to the morale of the shoppers.

* * * * *

Another project I am developing for the New Year involves setting up a fund to buy British Prime Minister Boris “BoJo” Johnson a hair brush.

Have you ever looked at his picture on TV? He is an absolute mess, a disgrace to all. I think this is why the EU just kicked Britain out of Europe, as they (the French in particular) probably could not stand being associated for a minute longer with a mobile haystack impersonating a prime minister. Least of all an English one.

And so, I appeal to all expatriate Brits in the Midcoast, along with any Americans who are also offended by the BoJo hedge, to send along a few handfuls of spare change or whatever is left after your Christmas spending spree, which I will gather up, invest in the stock market, and at the right moment cash in to buy a really super-duper hair brush for Boris.

* * * * *

I hoped not to have to mention my dear friend Lord Prez Trumpleton again in these hallowed pages, but I feel I must express my confusion about his apparent confusion.

You might remember my interview with the old boy in the White House kitchen just after the election, when he promised he would only be pretending to resist the results delivered by the voters. All I can say is that he has either a) forgotten his promise, or b) he really believes all this stuff about conspiracies, etc.

This raises the question, for me at least, of whether he has really believed this stuff all along for the past four years.

Like many devotees, I assumed the old chap was simply enjoying himself at the expense of the newspapers, while seriously planning to do something about all the inequality in our country, the very stuff he promised his supporters he would fix.

All along, I assumed he would show us that winsome smile for which he is justly famous, reach into his magician’s hat on the table beside him, and deliver a last-minute stroke of genius, fixing in an instant all the things that truly distress his people so.

Yet all of a sudden we find him within days of leaving office, and the best he has been able to pull off as the clock ticks toward midnight is to pardon a bunch of crooks, ask an honest man to fix the election for him and award the nation’s highest civilian medal to a political crony. Maybe everything they have been saying about him was true all the time.

Perhaps I have been a bit of a fool. I feel like a bride left at the altar.

A British newspaper has reported that some people in Scotland think Lord Trumpleton is planning to go there the day before the inauguration, apparently to avoid a large-scale public event down in D.C. that does not have a starring role for himself.

Who knows? Does it really matter any more? All I know is that I have not been invited.

David Grima is a former editor with Courier Publications. He can be reached at davidgrima@ymail.com.

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Comments (2)
Posted by: Richard McKusic, Sr. | Jan 08, 2021 10:06

WHOOPS!! Forgot something. Us Mainers are used to working together as a team; especially with good leadership at the helm: Governor Mills and Dr. Shah. Look at our place on the Covid 19. We can be humbly proud.

Posted by: Richard McKusic, Sr. | Jan 08, 2021 10:01

Lots of good news in your post today!  THANKS. 2021 is going to be fun moving onward and upward as a TEAM once again.  AHHHH.....refreshing as a Spring shower.

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