This news just in from the Olde Country: The reason people keep throwing eggs at King Charles is they apparently think he’s an omelet.

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Last week I was in the city library while it was raining, and noticed they had eight buckets lined up by a window, catching drips that were leaking in.

Eventually I realized that eight buckets can be tuned to make an octave, and if all the buckets were to be filled with just the right amount of water, each bucket could create a unique note.

All we need now is for some clever composer to come up with a simple little ditty called “The Rockland Library Water Music,” and our town will be famous for as much as half a day on the Internet.

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After the rash of thefts from cars and porches that plagued the Blessed South End last week, I spoke to a gentleman who said a folding knife had been taken from his car’s glove compartment. He seemed more annoyed by the fact that the thief had not closed the glove compartment and had discarded the sheath beside the road.

He said he would prefer to have been robbed by a professional thief, someone with a proper sense of tidiness and decorum, not by some half-baked amateur crook who obviously takes no pride in a job being well done.

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A certain television channel recently presented a series of eight shows called “Ancient Apocalypse,” claiming that an ancient and advanced civilization was wiped out about 12,000 years ago by a vast exploding meteor that caused another ice age, and that the handful of survivors crisscrossed the planet teaching uneducated hunter-gatherers how to become civilized themselves.

All of this was proven to have happened when the stars were in a certain alignment, when our sad planet wandered through a swarm of nasty meteors, and that numerous monuments were set up in various places across the globe to warn us against this alignment of the stars ever happening again.

Apparently, though, this alignment of stars is with us again today, and we should all be careful about our civilization being destroyed a second time.

Sometimes, I think it cannot happen soon enough.

For example, if it were to happen at some point before the next election, I think we would all be quite satisfied.

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Former Courier-Gazette newsman Brian “Brain” Willson walks up Beech Hill in Rockport almost every day with his dog called Jack and takes photos up there which he posts on the Interweb thing.

Eleven days before Christmas, he posted a photo of a discarded shopping list he had found at the top of the hill. It featured bread, whipped cream, green olives, chips, an orange vest, champagne, fruit and orange juice.

My, how luxuriously the other half lives!

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I have heard of schools closing because of snow, but you might remember that on Dec. 20 the entire Rockland-area school system closed because too many employees had called in sick.

All those pesky kids and their germs, I suppose.

Possibly this is the beginning of the aforementioned Second Apocalypse, the Return of the Meteors? I had assumed Rockland would vanish under an onslaught of North Korean rockets, or from rising sea levels. But possibly not.

If we are indeed to perish somehow and sometime in the New Year, the least we can do first is make amends with all the people with whom we have fallen out in recent years. Also, anything you borrowed from a neighbor should perhaps be returned, so that all accounts can be cleared. And yes, as the meteors get ever closer it will be perfectly okay to call in sick as often as you can.

It would also be a good time to set off all the fireworks we can get our hands on. They should love this in Cushing.

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Speaking of the apocalypse, the afternoon of the Thursday before Christmas, when we were bracing our little selves against that wind and rain that hit on the 23rd, I was out buying batteries for my special heated socks at the Harbor Freight store when I saw about 40 power company trucks all parked outside Ocean State Job Lots. Another truck was delivering port-a-potties for the crews.

I took a quick journalistic tour of the parked trucks, and saw that they were all from the South, from Arkansas, Alabama and Tennessee.

I have never seen such singular evidence as Maine prepared for a forthcoming loss of power, and was suitably impressed.

David Grima is a former editor with Courier Publications. He can be reached at