They tell me that a certain fast-food company is marketing a meatless hamburger, which according to the Washington Post resulted in certain Catholics asking their priests if it is kosher (ha!) to eat this thing on Fridays during the current season of Lent.

Reactions to this deeply searching moral inquiry seem to be falling into two categories.

From a technical point of view, some priests are apparently saying that because the meatless hamburger contains no meat, it is okay to eat it on Fridays.

Others say that people seeking to get away with this are really missing the whole point of Lent.

* * * * *

For those of you who are not inclined to observe Lent for religious purposes, I do have a secular suggestion that should at least put you in good standing with your friends and neighbors.

Make sure you return all the tools and other items you have borrowed from them this this past year, or you might find they will be less likely to have Lent you things in the future.

* * * * *

I heard the other day that Maine Coast Heritage Trust is about to buy Clark Island in St. George from its private owners to conserve and prevent it being divided for house lots.

* * * * *

On a whim at Christmas, I bought myself a red-and-black checkered winter cap, only to be told that I now look like Elmer Fudd.

I have countered this allegation by replying that I bought it so I can disguise myself as a native of New Hampshire. At least one of my interrogators said my hat is unlikely to fool anybody that I am from New Hampshire.

“My dad used to wear one, and we’re all from New York,” she told me.

* * * * *

Now for some science we can all use.

I read a report from the University of Sussex in England that suggests seagulls are far more likely to eat food that they know has been handled by humans than food that has not.

This, I can assure you, is quite true, and if the University of Sussex only asked me first they could have saved a lot of bother.

In the case of the annoying Four Seagulls of the Apocalypse, who live up here in the concrete towers at the foot of Mechanic Street where I am forced to live, will only eat food they have seen me touch. For example, food on my plate they will steal in the blink of an eye.

Now, purely in self defense, I am thinking of getting a meatless hamburger, waving it around where they can see me, and letting them eat that.

* * * * *

Sunday, March 1, was St. David’s Day, and I saw that the people who live across from Mr. Limerock were flying the Welsh flag outside their front door in honor of it.

When I was small, all the boys in school would wear leeks pinned to their lapels on this auspicious day, and all the girls would wear daffodils pinned to theirs.

By about midday most of the boys had nibbled their leeks down to mere stumps, while, strange to relate, none of the girls had even attempted to chew their daffodils, although several of them had begun to wilt. The daffodils, I mean. Not the girls.

Welsh girls do not wilt for anybody.

* * * * *

I see Wink’s swap shop at the dump is still closed against all comers. I wish I knew what it is that the city wants from us, some kind of penance I suppose, before they will open it up again.

Perhaps I could mention that there are some people I know who I only ever saw at Winks. Now I never see them at all. So, little by little, the social fabric of the Lime City begins to crumble.

* * * * *

Speaking of wilting, I hear that students from a certain Midcoast middle school are in horror that they have been forbidden to bring their cellphones to an event being arranged for them at Camp Kieve in Nobleboro.

The situation is described to me as a major case of “anxiety all around”.

* * * * *

I saw a story the other day posted by the Village Stew saying, “a woman from Union found herself unable to return to her home in China after a vacation due to concerns about the spreading of coronavirus.” Naturally, I immediately assumed she was from the Town of China, up there towards Waterville. Silly me.

* * * * *

Our local school board debated whether to approve a school trip to Paris, an idea that not surprisingly generated some hot comments because the tickets will cost over $3,000 and many families will be unable to send their children because of the cost.

For pity’s sake, we still get youngsters arriving at school not having breakfast.

When I was small (see ridiculous but true story above about nibbling leeks) my school arranged a class trip to Belgium. I didn’t even dare mention it to my parents, knowing it would not be affordable. It would have been embarrassing even to ask them.

This happened over 50 years ago, yet I still feel my shame at explaining to my classmates that I would not be going to Belgium with them. I forget what lame excuse I cooked up to avoid mentioning the truth.

Humiliating.

* * * * *

A documentary film shown last weekend in Camden describes a summer camp for disabled teenagers, held 49 years ago in New York. It was recently shown at the Sundance Institute, whose website says the film was possible thanks to some “incredible camp footage from 1971.”

I can now reveal that this original videotape was filmed by South End resident Ben Levine, now a filmmaker in his own right, who kept the tapes with him all these years through all the address changes that took place, and he was only too glad to make the tapes available to the filmmakers, one of whom was originally a camper.

The campers called their camp Crip Camp, which is also the name of the film.

Remember, never throw out the videotape!

David Grima is a former editor with Courier Publications. He can be reached at davidgrima@ymail.com.