Diamond to Casper
I am in my late 20s and I can’t seem to make friends. It’s always been this way. I am always ignored. Everyone else around me seems to belong. No one notices me. I go to work and do my job, but I feel invisible. I’m always left out. I don’t get invited to be with others. I am not one of those people who makes conversation easily. I don’t seem to belong anywhere. Even in my own family. I know I’m loved, but I want more than that. I want to be liked.
I feel like I’m a fake person, that I’m not even real sometimes. Does anyone else feel this way?
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” - Jane Howard, American journalist
You just haven't found your tribe. Your people. They’re out there. You just haven’t found them yet. It’s awful to feel lost and disconnected. Most of us crave a sense of something bigger than ourselves. It sounds like you feel like the odd duck swimming with a tight-knit group of swans. This is far more common than you think. There are people out there who seem to have it all, yet they still feel alone and tribe-less.
If you are pretending to be someone else just to fit in with the others, you’ll never find your tribe. You’ll just get lonelier and lonelier. Is it possible that you have invented a separation story about yourself that puts you at a distance from the very sense of belonging that you want? Have you been afraid of rejection, or do you think that you are not good enough — so you hide your true self?
If you want to find your tribe, you must learn to be with your true self, not the self that you have fictionalized.
The internet makes it easier to find and coordinate with your tribe. All you need is a shared interest and a way to communicate. You can band with other people to focus on a purpose. Do you love LEGOs? Origami? Are you a train enthusiast? Do you like to run? Swim? Go to Facebook and see if there is a group in Midcoast Maine. I’ll bet there is. There are groups out there for everything. For example, on Thursday evenings at Eclipse restaurant in Rockland, there is a run/social that meets at 6 p.m. A mixed group of all ages and levels runs a route in Rockland, then they eat together afterwards.
But here’s a hint: don’t just go there expecting people to come up to you. You approach them and introduce yourself. Be pro-active and positive. Those are choices that you can make.
So be your true self. Be happy to do the things that you love, and believe in yourself. Your authentic self. Because you are good enough to find your tribe.
With grace and peace,
Toilet paper mystery solved
Diamond is thankful to a reader who may have solved the toilet paper mystery (See the Aug. 11 Dear Diamond). Some have been wondering about this practice for years:
“My husband is often leaving partial toilet paper rolls in the bathroom. I asked him why he does this. He likes to have full rolls on the dispenser at all times. He says he prefers to use toilet paper for his nose anywhere in the house as he thinks tissues are too expensive! So when the roll gets low on paper he puts them in the bathroom on a shelf to be used up by the family. By the way, the rest of the family uses tissues for the nose!”
Men and women, guys and girls, have written to Dear Diamond because they want to meet someone. Each week Diamond will post one event that’s appropriate for single folks. Not exclusively for singles, but very appropriate.
Just get out there and mingle, folks. You just never know who will be there!
There are three public fundraiser meals on Saturday, Sept. 17.
- Palermo from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. (2787 Rte. 3)
- Searsport from 5 to 6:30 p.m. (First Congregational Church)
- Rockport from 5 to 6:30 p.m. (Masonic Center at Simonton Corner)
Advice appearing in Dear Diamond is for entertainment only and does not reflect the views of Courier Publications or its editorial boards. This column is not intended to replace the services of medical, financial or legal professionals.
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Ask Dear Diamond your question. Diamond responds to all who write in. Participation in Dear Diamond is always anonymous and free.
Snail mail: 91 Camden St., Suite 403, Rockland, ME 04841